How to Protect your Bike from Bike Theives E-mail by Iyan

Dear Dead Man,
Hi dead man. I'm in college and I want to find out how to keep my bike safe from bike theives so I figured if I can think like one, I can protect my bike. So how would you try to steal my bike.
From Silent J, Miami


Dear Silent J
Hu not smart enuf for m.i.t. just m.i. will you don't have to worey about me stealing your crapy bike with its baseball card in the wheel and the girly pink handlebars. But lets pretend that you do have a prettey cool bike. Such as Montian bike or 10-speed bike. The first thing I would do is dress up like a bush. so stay away from anything with cartoon eye holes. Another way I will steal your bike is to carry a petition, very affective on college students. Heck I stole people's lunch, girlfriends, cars, cats and even puppies. If none of those work I'd yse the best of all cat burglery. But I always get stuck on the back of the couch. But keep bike off glass buildings. So there you go silent J.
From Dead Man

p.s. Attention all bike thives use bolt cutters will split the money later.